The High Society: FYI
Paul M. Muchinsky*
The University of North Carolina at Greensboro
*Unamused, indifferent, or entertained readers can
contact the author at pmmuchin@uncg.edu.
Imagine you are sitting in an airport, waiting to board your flight. You are traveling alone. You have been assigned to seat E in Row 13. Also imagine you know nothing about I-O psychology. Along come two mature individuals who sit across from you in the lounge. The lounge area by the gate is packed with fellow travelers, and there are no vacant seats. It becomes evident that the two individuals sitting across from you share something in common. Based upon their conversation, it appears they have not seen each other for quite some time and they are catching up. Although it is neither your intent nor desire to eavesdrop on their conversation, you cant help but overhear what they are saying. These two individuals are I-O psychologists. Although unrelated to their actual professional orientation, we will call them I and O. Try as you might to ignore their conversation, this is what you overhear:
I: What ever became of Mike Phillips?
O: We lost track of each other. When we were grad students at NYU we took the IRT to MSG to watch the Knicks play. We discovered we had both pledged TKE as undergrads.
I: That was a strange time back in the late 60s.
O: I recall Mike had a part-time job with the local BBB. Someone there got him involved in the presidential
campaign of HHH. They had him walking door-to-door passing out leaflets. Nowadays people get their information by dialing up WWW. He had these big feethe wore EEE shoes. His feet got so sore from all that walking he would let loose some XXX-rated words. I told him he should never join the KKK, because even under a hood, people would recognize him by his big feet.
I: What about Bob Atwater?
O: Bright guy, but a little strange. He scored big on the SAT and GRE, but his GPA was never too good. He went on to get a MBA from USC, then got his PhD from MIT. I heard he got a job with IBM and proved the
SDy from OJT gave a better ROI than from all their formal training programs. He worked himself out of a job.
I: Talking about strange guysdo you remember Floyd Fortnum?
O: Vaguely.
I: Get a load of this. He was supposed to be the golden child. He lands a job with the NSA. It turns out his OCBs were CWBs. He was into booze in a big way. One day he got picked up on a DUI. He was so out of it they had to call an EMT. They demanded he go to an EAP because he was a walking WMD. He claimed he was suffering from ADD and sought protection under ADA. The NSA said this might fly with the FBI or CIA, but not with them. They let him go.
O: Do you know the story behind Cindy Farmer?
I: I didnt know there was any story behind the queen of psychometrics.
O: She started out being a TA or RA for some professor working on OSHA. Then she took the 16PF and discovered her KSAOs pointed to a career in number crunching. They teased her about becoming an auditor for IRS. So she begins research on personality measurement. She does some SEM and discovers both DIF and DTF on the CPI, JPI, and MMPI. She also concludes the FFM is based on gender stereotypes.
JAP is now begging for her stuff. So is AMR and AMJ, but she wont give them the time of day.
I: I bet ETS and ACT would love to have her.
O: The world has changed so much compared to when we were in school. Back then I recall students studying LPC scores, and theories like LMX, VIE, and MBO. I remember one guys dissertation was a comparison of BES, BOS, and BARS.
I: But its not like all of that stuff is outdated. I recently read the LGD in a DAC is most helpful for a CEO.
O: Yes, but everything now is so high tech. They even applied CAT to DAT.
I: But some things dont change. If you dont have SMEs review the PAQ and PDQ for relevance you can still get in trouble with EEO.
O: Even the DOT has given way to the O*NET.
I: What? They abolished the Department of Transportation? Since when?
O: No, by DOT I meant Dictionary of Occupational Titles.
I: HA HA HA HA HA. You had me worried there for a second.
O: HA HA HA HA HA. Its hard to keep things straight.
I: I even read in the MMY they might revise the MSQ and JDI.
O: I guess there is no stopping progress.
I: Well, as far as Im concerned, its SOS for our GNP. If SIOP or APA doesnt find a way for our workers to adjust to all this change, and I mean ASAP, its RIP for the USA.
O: Speaking of RIP, how is your health holding up?
I: Ive got chronic pain. Theyve run an EKG, EEG, and MRI. They recommended surgery. There is NFW Im doing that.
O: I know what you mean. My biggest therapy is television. I love watching NCAA sports on ESPN. My son bought me a DVD and VCR, but I cant make them work.
I: Im more into the NFL and NBA than college sports. I miss the NHL, and I couldnt live without MLB. My wife watches QVC. We both watch HBO.
Your overwhelming desire to ingest some mind-numbing PCP or LSD is interrupted by an announcement over the loud speaker. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, this is a preboarding announcement for Flight 123 from LAX to JFK in NYC. The flight is completely full and we have been advised that strong head winds will make the flight last 7 hours instead of the usual 5 hours. Children traveling alone and families with small children should proceed to the gate for immediate
preboarding.
You feel the need to be a child again, or at least to convince the agent you are a tall, old child traveling alone. You start to gather your carry-on items. As you do, you hear:
O: Id like to discuss with you that RFP by ONR for a SJT.
I: Well, it sounds like we will have plenty of time to talk about it.
O: Im getting tired of all this traveling I do. I seem to be on the road all the time, or as the young generation says, 24-7. I hate it when people ruin the language with their expressions.
I: Its not just the spoken word. How about these idiots who end their e-mails by using various punctuation marks to create a face? Its like they are communicating in code.
O: You got that right. Never in our day. Where are we sitting?
I: Row 13, seats D and F.
In case you are wondering, there are exactly 100 abbreviations in the column. No, I did not reach that number by happenstance. And yes, it was disturbingly easy to come up with that many.
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